If I ask you, “What do you want out of life?” and you say something like, “I want to be happy and have a great family and a job I like,” it’s so obvious that it doesn’t even mean a thing.
A more interesting question would be, a question that perhaps you’ve never considered before, is what pain and suffering do you want to experience in your life? What are you willing to struggle for? Because that seems to be a greater determinant of how our lives turn out.
And I intend to ask you not only to the one you are talking to. Are you asking yourself the right questions? At the right moment? At the right time?
For sure when you read the next lines about asking the right questions, you agree with me that you want to have great sex and an awesome relationship — but you are not willing to go through the tough conversations, the awkward silences, the hurt feelings and the emotional drama to get there. And for sure you settle for the lesser time and time again. You keep asking yourself questions like “What would have happened if I done XYZ different.” You keep on living in the past instead of focussing on what you have learnt and projecting all the good things in the future.
At the core of all human behavior, our needs are more or less similar. Positive experience is easy to handle, yet so scary to face. It’s negative experience that we all, by definition, struggle with. We keep on repeating those things in our head because we feel comfortable with it. Therefore, what we get out of life is not determined by the good feelings we desire but by what bad feelings we’re willing and able to sustain to get us to those good feelings.
Now, just as an experiment, ask yourself the following question: “How much pleasure can I stand?” And after that, ask yourself the question: “How do I choose to suffer?”
One of the many things we learn and teach you in our NLP Practitioner Training is to ask yourself questions that contribute and help in a far more positive self-talk than you have ever done before. Ask yourself the question, one more time and times over and over again: “How much pleasure can I stand?”
Until next we meet.
Mind Tools provides NLP Practitioner and NLP Master Practitioner Trainings and Certifications. We educate you according to the renowned, latest and highest standards set by the Society of NLP. We will train you thoroughly in all the corners of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and some extras we learned from Richard Bandler directly.
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