To enjoy fulfilling relationships not only make us happy, they also influence our long-term health as much as getting enough sleep, eating healthy, and not smoking. Many research studies have shown that satisfying relationships are associated with better health, greater happiness, and even a longer life.
Let me give you a real life example. My wife is the one doing all kind of bathroom-bathing-makeup-clothing sessions or whatever she does in the bathroom. Hours before we go out for a dinner or a social gathering she dresses and makes up. Often it turns out she looks gorgeous. And let me state this (she will be reading this article too), she is wonderful in all aspects in life to me.
Yet there are times it doesn’t work out that well. A new piece of fashion designed clothing that looks great but doesn’t suit her. When I tell her this, she usually gets pissed off. And as she marches back into the closet to redo everything and make us 30 minutes late, she spouts a bunch of four-letter words and sometimes even slings a few of them at me.
Men in this case would stereotypically lie. A lie just to avoid the slings of those four-letter words. Yet is it logical? Is it honest? No! Just grab the bull by the horns and tell the truth. In a neat way by the way.
To better understand, we have to start to understand that men think different than women. And so the opposite is true as well. Women have different qualities and thought-patterns than men.
Prototypically men think about four, no five things in life. Food, drinks, sports, sex and nothing. You can consider these topics as boxes. When a male talks about food, the food box is opened and the subject is being discussed. Once the topic ends, it is being put back in the box and the box is closed.
On the other hand, females have these boxes too. And a lot more boxes. Where there is no connection between the boxes at the side of the male, all kinds of interconnects are in between the boxes of the female. The box of the sports is connected to the car which is connected to the family box going all the way up to the box for what-do-we-eat-for-dinner-tonight.
The above is recognizable right? Wether you are a male or a female, it largely describes the difference. So now you know, let’s move to love. People like to fantasize about “true love.” But if there is such a thing, it requires us to sometimes accept things we don’t like.
Imagine, your sweetheart or your hunk wants to do something you do not want? What are your rules, boundaries and limitations in this? What do you choose? Are you going to push your opinions forward or do you let his or hers?
In other words, can you enjoy someone seeing enjoy their aspect in life? Do you have that ability to set each other free? That is exactly what the point is. In enjoying fulfilling relationships are the ones that are bound in freedom. To accept your better part as they are. To see the happiness of your counterpart.
You and your Emotions. Feelings are just these things that happen. The meaning we build around them–what we decide is important or unimportant–comes later. Yet do you control your brain? When I got started with Hypnosis my wife took me to a Buddhist gathering about meditation. I wanted to know more about meditation and so my sweetheart arranged it. Speaking of a great relationship.
The Monk talking about meditation came up with a very short and simple exercise. Close your eyes for one minute and only focus on the tip of your nose. And only the tip of your nose. Sounds simple right? Well, my first attempt failed. I managed to only focus a few moments and my thoughts drifted of, far-far-away from my nose. After the exercise my mind went: “Ok! Needs Work!”
I have a simple exercise for you. Close your eyes. Wait, don’t close them yet. Finish reading this paragraph, then close them. OK, close your eyes and try to think about nothing for 30 seconds.
Did you manage to think about nothing for 30 seconds? Well the question in your mind right now probably is what the heck has the exercise to do with Emotional Intelligence? And what have relationships to do with it?
Good questions! Probably your thoughts drifted off during the exercise. Being triggered by a noise in the background or a bird singing. It doesn’t matter. What matters is is that you start to understand that our focus drifts off easily and so the focus on emotions as well. The same is true on your focus in relationships. It is easy to let your own emotions prevail and to ignore what another person is attempting to tell you.
If you break-down the word ‘Relationships’ it is the relation and the ship. A ship travels from one to another point in the water over sea where the water represents the emotion. Sometimes the water is calm, the next it is stormy weather.
Now you know what tricks your emotions play, you are able to do something with it. Do the exercise a few more times and it doesn’t hurt to make it a daily routine. Just focus 30 seconds on nothing. It helps you to focus on your relationships and so bring you happiness and joy. Put your feet on the ground and keep on realizing yourself that we cannot change society. We can only change society one person at the time. My teacher Dr. Richard Bandler once told me: “Freedom is everything, love is all the rest.”
Until next we meet.
Mind Tools provides NLP Practitioner and NLP Master Practitioner Trainings and Certifications. We educate you according to the renowned, latest and highest standards set by the Society of NLP. We will train you thoroughly in all the corners of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and some extras we learned from Richard Bandler directly.